Math and Social Studies to Merge at BFUHS
Two Great Tastes in One Department
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Much like the old Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup commercials, two BFUHS teachers recently ran into each other in the hallway and had a revolutionary idea: the merger of the Math and Social Studies Departments. Social Studies teacher, Justin Aube, and Math Department Coordinator, Sean Murphy, literally collided in the hallway, to which Murphy said, “Hey, let’s merge our departments!” Mr. Aube agreed and The Howler was lucky enough to sit down with them immediately for the following overview interview:
Howler: So tell us about this merger.
Murphy: Well, math drove and can even predict all social events of import, ever. This merger will provide more clarity for our students on these truths.
Aube: Well, actually, I wouldn’t put it exactly in those terms. I mean, sure, mathematics had it’s place waiting in the wings, as it were, during the evolution of human civilization, but clearly it was philosophy, art – and even the elusive abstractions of beauty itself, I should say – that drove – Mr. Murphy’s word, not mine – the visualization, intellectualization and construction of societies throughout human history. I’d say mathematics didn’t undergird those forces so much as it arose from them.
Murphy: Come on, everyone knows it was math that built the Pyramids and proved that the Earth was round.
Aube: Ah yes, but while that may be somewhat correct, in fact, however, as the Neanderthals gave way to homo sapiens and the dawning of nomadic immigration and population among the post-Pangean land masses, it was clearly the Neolothic oral traditions and interpretive dancings around the fires of autumn harvests that spawned the visions which gave way to the banal beginnings of tally marks and stone-based numerics, not to mention how the cooking of meat by those same said fires stimulated the brain growth which ultimately led humans onto the long and winding path of intellectual sophistication needed for all higher pursuits, of which mathematics was only one infinitesimally small grain.
Murphy: Agriculture could never have started without lines and circles. It’s simple!
Aube: Perhaps, but we would be remiss lest we forget that, in fact, agriculture sprang up independently in at least eleven different centers around the globe, with dozens of innovative methods and media, clearly proving more of a cultural substratum versus a numerics based…
Editor’s note: Unfortunately, due to the trending volume of the interview, The Howler must ask its readers to wait for the exciting conclusion to this developing story. For one, Mr. Divis, the Social Studies Dept. Coordinator, was unavailable for commentary. When asked how he expected Mr. Divis to view the question, Mr. Aube started to say, “Well, let’s be honest, how does the saying go? . . . When the cat’s away . . . . But seriously, I fully believe that Mr. Divis would appreciate my views about the Social Studies Dept.’s acquisition of, excuse me, merger with, the Math Department as, at long last, the glorious realization of . . . [ed.: again, the quote could not be finished in the space allowed.]