The Howler

The Howler

The Fate of the Turkeys

Sophie Hyslop, Editor

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Most have learned of Pilgrims, ‘Indians’, weird hats, golden corn, and a story of two cultures coming together to celebrate the autumn harvest, but I am here to tell you the real history of Thanksgiving. It was the year 1616, the sun was setting, and mosquitos were sucking the blood of the fresh meat, Pilgrims. Those mosquitos may have fled had they known the dangers held within the bloody brains of those foreigner’s skulls. Evil intentions flowed through the Pilgrim’s veins, creating a new breed of mosquitoes, and thus, Malaria was created, but that’s another story…

Following the arrival of the foreigners, the tree people observed them from a distance, tracking every movement, every action, and every intention. The tree people did this for five years before they revealed their existence to the foreigners; on one calm morning when the tall grass was still and the birds didn’t chirp, the tree people put their fiercest faces on and went to greet their new neighbors. They decided the best way to approach was to offer help, as the newcomers struggled every harvest, in exchange for knowledge and the fire sticks they held.

Picture this: November Nineteenth, 1621, (that’s right folks, the second week of November, not the third) the natives of the land marched up to the foreigners chanting their most welcoming chant after years of debating whether to wage war or form an alliance. The foreigners heard the natives coming, but remained rather relaxed, only pausing momentarily from enjoying their unusually juicy red meat to shift their guns closer. The natives emerged from the tree line intending peace as the foreigners looked upon a glorious new meal with mouth watering delight.

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